What do YOU use?….
I was asked a very interesting question the other day by a new Dom – “What are your tools of the trade and where did you get them from?” I have to admit that it made me stop and think. I’ve never really considered having tools – a lot of our toys have been bought for one purpose or the other but could I define a base set of tools which I use. I’ve been looking for a subject for my next post and this seems to tick the boxes so here goes, my top 5 tools of the trade!
Number 5: Buttplug
A buttplug is a very useful thing, and it can also be a thing of beauty. When Little Whore and I first got together she had a large(ish) silicon buttplug. We tried using it and found that for the most part it was too big for her and uncomfortable. For a long time this ruled out anal play until I purchased a smaller jeweled butt plug for her earlier this year. At first she struggled to take even this one but now can comfortably fit it and I am considering upgrading to something a little larger.
I use the buttplug/anal play as a tool for both reward and as a punishment mechanism (usually when a reminder is needed on just who is in control). A finger sliding into her arse whilst playing with the rabbit can be enough to suddenly push her over the edge into a shuddering orgasm, whilst wearing the buttplug to work can create a sufficient reminder all day of just who and what she is.
We bought our buttplug from eBay, however availability seems to fluctuate.
Number 4: Rabbit
Rabbits are great! Coupled with #5 and a standing order of no cumming without permission a rabbit is an amazing tool within a Master’s armory. In our particular case Little Whore is generally unable to cum without direct clitoral stimulation, this makes the rabbit even more of an implement of my control, without both the rabbit and my command she is unable to climax so it can be a very powerful bribe and reward. I have found it equally useful when I am away for long periods of time, instructing my Little Whore to lie for hours in bed, edging continually until she is utterly worn out but still not allowed to cum, further reinforcing her dependency on me, and increasing her arousal and need upon my return.
Our current rabbit came from Ann Summers and is a Rampant Rabbit: The Neon One, we’ve found it to be very effective although slightly on the large side between rabbit ears and dildo. I do like the fact that Love Honey have a full years return policy and I would probably try and order from them next time round, but I don’t believe they do the Rampant Rabbit range. On the plus side you can walk into an Ann Summers and have a look and feel before you buy!
Number 3: Rope
Rope is amazing; with a little bit of imagination and a little bit of rope there’s very little that you can’t achieve. You can buy all manner of gadgets and gizmos at BDSM fairs and most of them I’m comfortable replicating myself with a bit of rope and whatever I have lying around.
I have two sets of rope at the moment: a polyester set in hot pink, and a natural hemp set in dark purple. I was sceptical about the natural hemp at first, but I absolutely love it. It’s got a coarser initial feel but actually manages to burn less (meaning you can work with it faster) and it ties much more securely, meaning that this is normally the first rope I reach for when restraining is required.
Unfortunately rope (particularly hemp) isn’t cheap. In both sets I have 8 x 8ft ropes which covers most scenarios but the initial outlay on this was quite expensive. Given the versatility of rope however it’s well worth the cost and I don’t think most Dom/Dommes would be without it. There are many places you can buy rope, from your local DIY shop or climbing store to dedicated BDSM outfitters and ebay. Take some time to analyse what you want: not all rope is created equally. If you can, go along to some fairs and try out some different types before you buy.
As a side note to any future Dom/Dommes reading this, a word a caution: there is such a thing as too tight. You can very easily add rope in to a tie which further constricts what started out as a loose bind and there are no guarantees of your sub noticing the change but it can cause dangerous side effects (suffocation or loss of circulation spring to mind as the obvious ones). It’s up to you to keep a good eye on your sub and ensure you know what you are doing. Ask around with friends / look at some of the YouTube examples if you need some advice.
Number 2: Collars
Collars play an important role in any BDSM relationship, ours is no different. Living a 24/7 ownership and possession relationship my Collar marks Little Whore as my property, my most important possession. Although for many a single collar is sufficient I have found that one does not suit all occasions. Currently I have 3 collars for Little Whore, her first collar which I handcrafted myself from leather; a day collar which takes the form of a simple necklace with a locking padlock; and her current evening collar: an Axsmar Talena design purchased earlier this year. Over time I’m sure she will wear more of my Collars but they all represent one single binding agreement.
A collar is a very personal thing, unique to each dominant and submissive. Time should be spent when choosing a Collar for your submissive and ensure that is what you both want and agree on it’s meaning and symbolism. Some relationships will work through several formal collaring stages (Initial, Training, Permanent); some will only be able to wear a collar within the confines of their own home; but in their own way, they all represent something special, so ensure that you take time and choose what works for you.
Number 1: Me
My most important tool without a doubt has to be my own creativity in turning any situation into an opportunity to assert my dominance and control over my Little Whore. It’s what drives our relationship from one level to the next and keeps my Little Whore on her toes, sometimes literally, never fully knowing what comes next. Our O&P relationship is very much based on a mental control with a physical backup, and I can accomplish most things with a single word of command and Little Whore will obey. Even punishments can be verbal; often without needing to go and find the rope I can turn my Little Whore into putty with only a few well chosen words. I’ve found that this works particularly well in the Vanilla world, being able to transition between cultures without having to change our style and with minimal effort I can control and punish Little Whore when out with Vanilla friends without raising suspicion.
Sometimes I find it good to challenge myself to be more creative: “Tonight I’m only going to use the rabbit” or “I want to use only 1 rope for this punishment”. I’ve found this to be a very useful tactic in keeping things from becoming stagnant. Being a relatively new couple to the BDSM scene our available toy collection is minimal so I find it important to continually come up with new, cruel and inventive activities to keep things fresh and keep Little Whore guessing. So far: so good!
Any Bloggers out there, I challenge you: What are you/your dom’s top 5 tools of the trade? (Don’t forget to pingback)
All original credit for this idea goes to @dazstar with his original post on Fetlife