Knowing is only half the battle…
Having written my first post on Masters Guilt I realised that although I was happy with the how and what I hadn’t really covered the way I’ve coped and moved forward which I’d intended for anyone finding this blog. So here goes post number 2…
The key to any relationship is communication and this is most apparent BDSM relationships. I cannot stress enough to anyone starting to feel guilty about what they are doing how important it is to talk to your sub about it. Even in the 24/7 environment I have every confidence that your sub will be understanding and accepting of your situation, particularly if you are still learning like me but even if you are an experienced Dom/Domme of 30 years. I’d actually go so far to say that if your sub isn’t prepared to be supportive then you should really be looking at your relationship on a much more basic level.
As an example, when I spoke to Little Whore about this she immediately switched into full supportive mode and made me stop, think and really understand that this was what she wanted.
Communication with others can be useful as well, but it must not replace the communication with your sub. As I mentioned in Masters Guilt I had a long chat with a friendly Dom and it really helped me to get my head completely in order after Little Whore had assured me she was happy. Just the act of talking about it to someone externally was massively helpful in stopping the “bottling up”. In my case, the Dom in question didn’t even particularly understand our particular brand of kink and doesn’t practise 24/7 but it was still a useful conversation with a good listener.
As dominants we are often taught that aftercare is something for us to lay lavishly onto our submissive at end a scene. Our principle concern at that time should be in looking after them and their emotional state especially if the scene hasn’t ended up as intended or a safe word was used. To make it clear: I’m not suggesting these aren’t of utmost importance during AfterCare but it may surprise submissives (and even some Dom’s) to learn that the Dom can need some AfterCare too. The AfterCare required will vary from Dom to Dom but the general requirement is for the Sub to find a small way too reassure their Dom that they are enjoying themselves and doing the right thing.
In our case, this has evolved out of AfterCare and into our everyday lives. I’ve come to associate her calling me master during our normal lives as a health check. The more she uses it, the happier she is and the more she uses it without promoting the more I know I’m doing the “right thing”
Finally I’d also point anyone reading this at Dominant Guide which has quite a nice article on top guilt and coping with it. It definitively helped me and I would recommend a read!